Post #50

I can't believe that this is my 50th post on my blog or that I've actually kept up with a blog. I really enjoy writing and this is a great way for everyone to keep up with the Bright's world so here's hoping for another 50 more! I found a place on the web where you can upload your entire blog and make a book of it, so I may do that at the end of this year.

This was our Childbirth Class weekend and the participants were not as I had secretly hoped. They were all pretty much like me and Lee - Type A future parents wanting to know all about baby before the little one appears. Lee made a good point that this class isn't mandatory or free. It's something that cost money so not everyone does it. The irony is that the people who probably need this class the most were not in it. At any rate, I'd bet that I was labeled the weird one because I asked the most questions. I can't help myself. It's sort of like the time that my former roommate, a pharmacist, invited me along to a discussion on how psycho-pharmacal drugs interact with male enhancement drugs since the drug company was hosting the discussion at one of my favorite restaurants. So who knows all about depression and male impotence now? It's me because I couldn't stop raising my hand to ask questions about penises and Paxil.

The class was good because we toured the hospital and saw where all of the action is going to take place. In the labor and delivery rooms, this panel in the ceiling opens up and a huge light drops down. It's seriously as big and bright as one of those spotlights that they use during a new club or restaurant opening. I can't wait. The hospital where I'm delivering also has these awesome suites where you can stay for an additional fee. Lee liked them because they have a real bed, living room, and flat screen television on the wall. Because Lee's comfort and his ability to watch Mavs playoff games in high definition during my delivery is priority #1.

I was not so comfortable with two aspects of the class. The instructor thought it necessary to pass around the 18 gauge needle that will be inserted into my back when I get my epidural. If you're unclear on my thoughts on needles, please revisit my "Valentine's Day Massacre" blog from last month. I don't need to see the needle, thank you. When we first started the class, we all had to introduce ourselves and say if we were going "natural" or having an epidural. Can I tell you that half of those women said they were still undecided? These women act like they're going to go old school and bite down on a stick while they push the baby out. Liars. The other mildly uncomfortable part of the class was when we had to watch a real birth. I'd seen live births before, but this video was more porno-rific because the lady was buck naked. I would never let myself be videotaped giving birth for educational purposes, but if I did somehow loose my mind and agree to it, I'd sure as hell throw on a tee shirt and wear a little lipstick.

The most exciting part of the day happened on the way home from the hospital when we witnessed a man and a woman having a physical fight in a parking lot. Lee pulled into the lot, called 911, and gave them a play-by-play. I felt like I was watching a dashboard camera from a cop car while listening to a Tyson/Holyfield fight. Very exciting. The rest of the weekend was spent getting Ellie's baby book together and mom and dad took us to dinner at Grotto on Saturday night.

Last night, Lee put his head on my stomach to talk to Ellie before we went to sleep. I think he must have ticked her off because every time he spoke, she kicked him in the head. He thinks it's cute when she does it, but when I do it? It's "assault and battery". So unfair.