Bad Hair Day

Let me just warn everyone - this whole post is TMI.

Disgust. Awe. Shock. Grossness. Those might be a few words to describe the events that transpired this weekend. Ellie was better on Friday afternoon, but just as soon as she got over the sore throat, she came down with a whole new kind of sick. I knew that Ellie was having a little tummy trouble on Saturday because she threw up once and smelled like she'd been drinking Mexican tap water. But she slept through the night on Saturday night with no problems, so on Sunday morning, we packed it up and went to breakfast at one of our usual spots. This is where things went horribly wrong.

As we were sitting waiting for our food, Lee was holding Ellie and said ," I think she's pooping". I looked up and it was coming out the back up her diaper and had gone through to her top. Not a huge problem because I always have a backup outfit with me (ever since the Parkland experience). The bathroom was the one-person kind (thank God) and had a little changing table that folded out from the wall. As I took off her pants, I realized that I was not dealing with a regular bowel movement. This was diarrhea. I opened my package of wipes and saw that I had 6. I needed 25.

I got Ellie's "southern hemisphere" cleaned up and then sat her up to pull her "Bad Hair Day" onesie over her head. So much poop had come out the back of the diaper than when I pulled the shirt over her head, it smeared all over her back, into her armpits, and all over her hair. I have one wipe left. I have a naked shit-covered baby and a wipe the size of a kleenex. I think Ellie sensed that she really was having a bad hair day because she started screaming. At this point, I just froze. Literally, my brain could not process what to do. Do I open the door to the bathroom with screaming naked shit-covered baby and yell for help?

I told myself to settle down, took her over to the sink, and started giving her a bath. She didn't like that and started screaming more. I hate hearing her cry so I picked her up and tried to comfort her when I realized that she wasn't done going to the bathroom. Evidence of this was all over me. Oh God. I took her back over the the changing area, got a diaper on her and put her in the backup outfit which I've had in the bag for 4 months so it was a three-month size and wouldn't snap between Ellie's legs. But it had to do. I cleaned myself up and walked back to the table.

"How'd it go in there?", Lee asked. "Well, let's see. She has diarrhea, I have crap on me, I only had six wipes but I needed 80, and her backup outfit is way too small". "Wow. Sounds like we came a little unprepared". Remain calm. Seriously - how do you prepare for that? HOW? I needed a fire hose and a bucket of soap. But the fun didn't stop there. I was holding her waiting for my food and handed her off to Lee only to see that the back of her outfit had poop all over it again. AGAIN. Just as much as before it that's possible. Check please.

As the adage goes, "There's more where that came from." And there was - only this time it was from me. Around 6:30 P.M., I started to feel a little uneasy in my stomach and sure enough - I was having Ellie's problem. Around 7PM, I started to feel really, really, really bad and knew that I was going to have to throw up. So I went into the bathroom, got ready and the next thing I knew, I heard Lee screaming, "I'm calling 911!! Tiffany! Tiffany!". Good Lord. What the hell is going on? I then realized that I had passed out on our bathroom floor. Out cold. I'm pretty sure I just fainted, but if you ask Lee, he'll tell you that I "slipped into a coma". That is the worst stomach flu I've ever had in my life. Ever. I couldn't even stand up in the shower. And Lee gets husband of the year for his cleanup skills.

So that was our Sunday. Just a regular old Sunday. Needless to say, I've had my hands a little full. Ellie and I stayed home on Monday and I took her to the doctor again. In 5 days, she lost one pound so she's back down to 16 pounds. We're both doing a lot better and Ellie is keeping most everything down, but is still a little queasy. The doctor said it can take 3-5 days for a baby to fully recover from a stomach virus. Poor Lee. I'm surprised that he came home from work on Monday. I think he's still shell shocked from all of the bodily fluids that he saw on Sunday.

As for the rest of the weekend, we met our friends Cooper, Stephanie, and Danny on Friday night for dinner and went to the Calyx party on Saturday night (see picture of Lee and I below that could have been so wonderful if he hadn't been sticking his tongue in my ear). I can't remember what I did the rest of the weekend because I am so scarred by the events of Sunday. I can tell you what I didn't do though - finish Christmas shopping or wrap a single gift. So it seems that I will be at the mall with the millions of other shoppers this weekend.

I probably won't post again until after Christmas, I hope everyone is filled with the Spirit and has a wonderful holiday (and if you're visiting the Bright Spot for the first time because you just received a Christmas card with our web address, I swear not all of the posts are like this). Merry Christmas!