A Complaint Free Blog

It's Friday, and it's time for another public service announcement. Yesterday afternoon, I got my haircut and while I was waiting, I read an article in People Magazine. It was about a pastor at Christ Church Unity in Kansas City, Missouri who has challenged his parishioners to try to go 21 days without complaining. He's started giving out purple Lance Armstrong "Live Strong"-looking bracelets to wear as a reminder. To begin, you wear the bracelet on either wrist. When you catch yourself complaining, gossiping, or criticizing, you move the bracelet to the other arm and start the 21-day count again. I was so inspired by this idea that I ordered myself a bracelet. You too can have your own free bracelet by ordering one at acomplaintfreeworld.org. Since I'm entering my last 2 months of pregnancy, I think now is a great time to be positive and complaint-free. I feel like I probably complain less than the average person, but the recent swelling of my ankles and trouble sleeping have left me a little cranky. Plus, getting into the habit of not complaining now will set a great example for Ellie to follow.

I started my blog book on Blurb last night. At first, I thought "do I really want to have a written record of all of my rantings?", but I think it'll be great to have a yearbook of us. Plus, the program on the site is so easy to use, it would be a shame for me not to do it. It pretty much does everything for you - transfers all of the text and pictures with one click. I would love to have a week-by-week account with pictures of my great-grandmother's or grandmother's life. In 50 years, how cool will be for us to have a weekly written account of everything that we've done? My first book will run March 2006 through December 2007 and then my plan is to compile a yearly one every year after that. The book I'm working on now is already over 60 pages! I can't imagine how much longer it'll be once Ellie gets here when I'll really have something to write about. We'll see how motivated I am though. I'm a scrapbook dropout, so this may be my best chance to have a record of our family. I need to get better at taking pictures to make this long-term project a real success.

That's all for now. More baby classes are in store for us this weekend and maybe a 3D sonogram will happen Monday during my 32 week appointment... if Ellie isn't trying to hide. Let's make it a complaint-free Friday!

Post #50

I can't believe that this is my 50th post on my blog or that I've actually kept up with a blog. I really enjoy writing and this is a great way for everyone to keep up with the Bright's world so here's hoping for another 50 more! I found a place on the web where you can upload your entire blog and make a book of it, so I may do that at the end of this year.

This was our Childbirth Class weekend and the participants were not as I had secretly hoped. They were all pretty much like me and Lee - Type A future parents wanting to know all about baby before the little one appears. Lee made a good point that this class isn't mandatory or free. It's something that cost money so not everyone does it. The irony is that the people who probably need this class the most were not in it. At any rate, I'd bet that I was labeled the weird one because I asked the most questions. I can't help myself. It's sort of like the time that my former roommate, a pharmacist, invited me along to a discussion on how psycho-pharmacal drugs interact with male enhancement drugs since the drug company was hosting the discussion at one of my favorite restaurants. So who knows all about depression and male impotence now? It's me because I couldn't stop raising my hand to ask questions about penises and Paxil.

The class was good because we toured the hospital and saw where all of the action is going to take place. In the labor and delivery rooms, this panel in the ceiling opens up and a huge light drops down. It's seriously as big and bright as one of those spotlights that they use during a new club or restaurant opening. I can't wait. The hospital where I'm delivering also has these awesome suites where you can stay for an additional fee. Lee liked them because they have a real bed, living room, and flat screen television on the wall. Because Lee's comfort and his ability to watch Mavs playoff games in high definition during my delivery is priority #1.

I was not so comfortable with two aspects of the class. The instructor thought it necessary to pass around the 18 gauge needle that will be inserted into my back when I get my epidural. If you're unclear on my thoughts on needles, please revisit my "Valentine's Day Massacre" blog from last month. I don't need to see the needle, thank you. When we first started the class, we all had to introduce ourselves and say if we were going "natural" or having an epidural. Can I tell you that half of those women said they were still undecided? These women act like they're going to go old school and bite down on a stick while they push the baby out. Liars. The other mildly uncomfortable part of the class was when we had to watch a real birth. I'd seen live births before, but this video was more porno-rific because the lady was buck naked. I would never let myself be videotaped giving birth for educational purposes, but if I did somehow loose my mind and agree to it, I'd sure as hell throw on a tee shirt and wear a little lipstick.

The most exciting part of the day happened on the way home from the hospital when we witnessed a man and a woman having a physical fight in a parking lot. Lee pulled into the lot, called 911, and gave them a play-by-play. I felt like I was watching a dashboard camera from a cop car while listening to a Tyson/Holyfield fight. Very exciting. The rest of the weekend was spent getting Ellie's baby book together and mom and dad took us to dinner at Grotto on Saturday night.

Last night, Lee put his head on my stomach to talk to Ellie before we went to sleep. I think he must have ticked her off because every time he spoke, she kicked him in the head. He thinks it's cute when she does it, but when I do it? It's "assault and battery". So unfair.

March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month

This is my first ever blog about poop chutes. I met my friend Renee for dinner last night and she reminded me that March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month. This is important to her because she lost her husband to colon cancer a little over two years ago. Michael was not even 40 when he was diagnosed so it happens to the young as well as the old.

It's something that's easily preventable and treatable if detected early, so today I encourage everyone to click here to read the symptoms of colorectal cancer at the Colon Cancer Awareness website. It just takes a second! Have a great weekend.

The Kenophobic Dog

Kenophobia is really a fear of voids or empty spaces, but it's the closest thing to describe the newest affliction that Trudie has developed. After moving through the house with great gusto and navigating rooms with ease, my sweet, blind dog has developed a paralyzing fear of... hardwood floors. I know that sounds crazy, but trust me - it's even crazier to watch. This is troublesome since our entire house is hardwoods. She doesn't have a fear of hardwood floors so much as she has a fear of not being on a carpeted surface. I'm pretty sure this is my fault because every time she exits the carpet in the living room to go into the dining room, I clap my hands for her to come back. In her dark little world, she has translated me not wanting her to leave one side of one carpet in one room to me not wanting her to leave all carpeted areas. On Saturday night, we were watching Babel when I realized I hadn't seen her for an hour. She had gotten hung up on the hallway runner. Tried exiting all sides but couldn't get off. Short of rubbing down all of the hardwood floors with meat, I don't know how to correct this problem. So now in addition to having a dog that requires shock therapy, we also have one who needs confidence building exercises so she can walk on wood.

We didn't really do a whole lot this weekend. We met our friends Mike and Shanon for dinner on Friday night and I had to go shopping for new spring maternity clothes on Saturday. I had a meltdown on Wednesday morning because all of my clothes are getting tight. I don't like shopping for maternity clothes because the girls in the shops (who are not pregnant) bring you clothes to try on with promises that it'll be "so cute on". And like a sucker, I believe them every time. In my head, I'm thinking that the next outfit will not make me look like I swallowed a watermelon, but alas, it's not true. I was in Ross a few weeks ago and came across some big girl muumuus. I may try to bring those back into style.

Lee did a lot of work outside in our storage area on Saturday because it was so nice. We also had a new fridge/freezer delivered for the storage area. I figure we'll need it as we keep expanding. My latest project is making and freezing as many meals as I can ahead of time. Last night, I made one King Ranch Chicken Casserole and froze the other one. My goal is to get 8 entrees made and in the freezer by the time Ellie gets here. That way for the first couple of weeks she's home, all I'll have to do is pull out a meal and heat it up. It really doesn't take that much work to double casseroles and I know I'll be glad I did come May. I'm also collecting recipes for entrees using "pantry" or frozen ingredients. I hope to have another 8-10 meals on hand there. Everything I'm making is Weight Watchers. Don't think I won't be back at meetings the first week after Ellie gets here because I have some lofty weight loss goals I intend to keep. If you have any good recipes that freeze well, send them my way!

I went back for my 30 Week appointment this afternoon and no dice with the 3D. Ellie's hands are planted to the side of her head and she's added a foot to the mix. The sonographer tried one 3D scan, but it looked like a scary alien (not one for the scrap book or the blog). I also told my doctor about Harry Potter's "25% chance blond" comment and we had a hearty laugh about his Mendelian science. Am I a giant dork? You're damn right I am.

Next Sunday, we have our first of two "childbirth classes" at the hospital where I'm delivering. I'm anxiously awaiting the classes and not because I'll learn a lot, but because if it's anything like our "Engagement Encounter" retreat was, there's going to be some total weirdos there. My favorite couple from the pre-wedding retreat dressed like each other the whole weekend. I am anticipating that there will be the couple that's uber excited so he'll be wearing a "World's #1 Dad" shirt and hat set while she wears a "Bun in the Oven" tee, the couple trying to bridge the racial divide, the couple so young their parents had to drop them off, and the couple fighting so much you wonder how they're not going to get a divorce before the baby arrives. We'll strike pre-natal gold if there's a K.D. Lang "couple" there. Lee isn't good in these situations because he'll reach over and pinch me when he sees something strange like I'm not looking at the exact same thing he is. Actually, I'm usually already staring because I have a problem with that. This has never gotten us into trouble before, but I'm not sure how long our luck will hold with hormonal women. I'll give you a full report next Monday.

3D or Bust

Bust. We were supposed to have our 3D sonogram on Friday, but they called us and asked us to reschedule for today so we did. If you've seen a 3D sonogram, it's a pretty clear three-dimensional image of the baby's face. The kicker is that nothing can be in front of the baby's face. When we started the sonogram, Ellie's hands were directly in front of her face and there they stayed the entire time.

The sonogram technician poked at her and rattled her as much as she could, but Ellie wouldn't take her hands down from her face. She was probably trying to shield herself from the attack. Then Lee got in on the fun and he poked me in the stomach on the left side as the technician did from the right side. Poor Ellie. I bet she thought we were having an earthquake.

We did get some black and white 2D shots. Here are the best two:



This is a picture of her face... the head is on the right side and arm is on the left.


This picture is the best one. It shows her foot in the top left and her toe is touching her wrist. You can also see the bend in her elbow and her head on the right. If you flipped this picture 180, that's how she be inside me.

I have my 30 week appointment on Monday so the technician said that she'd try to work me in for a quick 3D look then. We did have her confirm again that Ellie is in fact a girl. She is. And for the record, she's a girl who can't be bothered by 3D sonograms.

Dan and Pam's Wedding (Punnett Schmunnett)

The weekend started off with some fantastic news on Friday night that my friend Anne Marie and her husband Brett had given birth to their first child, Alexander James. I can't wait to see him. He was two weeks early but is very healthy and weighed in at 8 pounds 5 ounces. I attended her baby shower in December and talked about it in my "Pregnant, Pregnanter, Pregnantist" blog. I guess I'm next!

We spent Saturday morning buying MORE items for Ellie's nursery. We went into one store and they had a little elephant already monogrammed with her name so I took it as a sign and bought it. We ordered the glider (so comfortable) from USA Baby. Since we're keeping the sofa bed in the nursery, we're reupholstering it and picked out the fabric. It's going to be done in green ticking so it could eventually fit in a boys room or a sunroom. All of this probably won't be in the nursery until late March or early April.

On Saturday night, we went to a really beautiful wedding for one of Lee's soccer friends, Dan. When the judge said "You may kiss the bride", Dan kissed Pam and the nine year-old boy in front of me screamed "SICK!". Classic. Dan's son, Alex, was the ring bearer. He's seven now, but I first met him when he was two or three. He's the reason I love little boys so much. And I don't mean "love" in a way that I have to say at least 1000 feet away from churches and schools. I just think they're funny. He was pretty worked up so I told him that if we took one good picture together:

Then we could take one picture where we're both screaming:





Not to be outdone, Lee followed suit...


I hit a new dork low at the wedding when I got into a science debate. Lee and I were talking to this guy and Lee made the comment about how Ellie will probably have brown hair since both of us have brown hair. The guy said ,"Well, if both of you have a recessive gene for blond hair then there's a 25% chance that your daughter could have blond hair." The bunk science alarm went off in my head. I said , "Are you talking about the Punnett Square?". He said that he was. I said ,"That's actually just a theoretical representation they teach high school students to introduce genetics. In real life, it doesn't really doesn't work out to a 25% chance if both of us are carrying a recessive gene." Here we go. Why God? Why must I wear my nerd science skills like a badge of honor? I admit that Ellie could have blond hair, but DNA sequences are so complex, it's not as easy as just tagging it at 25%.

But this guy wouldn't let it go. Apparently he thought I was the one who was confused so he tried to explain it to me. "You see - if you both carry a dominant and a recessive gene then that would make both of you 'big T' and 'little t' carriers so there would be a 25% chance that your offspring would be 'tt'. " Oh, I get it. What's next? The world is flat? There are pots of gold at the end of rainbows? Bigfoot? This guy seriously thinks that researchers have unraveled the genetic code, but there's still some scientist sitting in a lab churning out Punnett Squares? Then Lee gave me that one eyebrow raised "knock it off" look. With that, I smiled and nodded as if I had been utterly enlightened because I knew this guy probably believed in unicorns too, and I didn't have the energy to get into a mythical vs. magical creatures debate with Harry Potter.

Lucy Update: Many of you have asked how Lucy is doing. She's still crazy. This morning I walked into the living room and found her big, hairy, black body on our cream sofa. I didn't say anything - I just got the remote to her collar. I told her to get off the sofa and shocked her. She jumped down, but I didn't think it was on because she didn't react so I hit the button again and her eye twitched a little. Lesson - Level 6 is not high enough. Will try 7 next time.

75 Shut Down!

I sit next to a windown and usually, there's nothing to see, but today there was a huge accident!

I-75 northbound was totally shutdown. Just look at that backup. It went all the way to downtown. I would be going crazy in my car. At least it's not 105 outside.

Valentine's Day Massacre

Happy Valentine's Day! It's a big day since today I hit Week 28 which means it's the start of my third trimester. We're on the homestretch. My sweet, sweet husband tried to give my Valentine's Day gift last night because he was excited about it, but I made him wait until this morning. So promptly at 7:00 am, he pulled out a little box wrapped all in pink. He gave me some really beautiful John Hardy earrings. I had made a photo book on Kodak Gallery of our San Francisco trip for him. Better late than never!

I also had my 7 month checkup this morning. At 28 weeks, they make everyone take a blood glucose screening test to check for gestational diabetes. You have to drink this syrupy stuff that tastes like Hawaiian Punch and then an hour later they draw your blood. All went well until the "draw your blood" part.

Wendy is my usual nurse and can find a vein blindfolded. Wendy was sick today. Since my veins are the size of a strand of hair, I always have a bit of a problem with letting let people stick me. The first nurse (read: first) came in and gave it her best shot. And after she tried once, it looked like I'd been shot. Thank God nothing got on my clothes, but I'm not amused. She tried again and even though I'd never met her before, I'm pretty sure she was trying to punish me. With that failed attempt, she said "Let me go get someone else". Good idea.

I'm a little stressed out now. I jumped off the table to walk around to calm down and turned around to see the table that the nurse hadn't cleaned up. Then I loose it. Nurse #2 walks into me having a nervous breakdown and practicing deep breathing. I feel really bad because what conversation must Nurse #1 have had with her? "Hey - could you draw some blood from the girl in room 2? I've tried twice and now she's freaking out and having a panic attack. P.S. - I didn't clean up the mess. You're a pal!".

Nurse #2 starts in on my left arm. She sticks me and there's silence for about 10 seconds. Then she said "there's no blood coming out of your veins". That's when I start laughing. And it's not a sane "wow! that's really funny!" laugh. It's more like a "I'm one more poke away from being admitted to the psych ward" laugh. The good news is that she got it the last time. So four sticks, three bandages, two nurses, and one nervous breakdown later, I had completed my blood glucose screening test and I'll probably be having my baby at home.

Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do

We had quite the interesting Sunday at the Bright house. And my "interesting" I mean we "purchased a shock collar and conducted electro-shock therapy experiments on our dog, Lucy". Lord help me if the SPCA gets a hold of this blog because we're going to jail. Lucy has some behavioral problems... she loves people and loves meeting people, but she is the most stubborn dog in all of history. This has been coming to a head for a few months, but she got in a LOT of trouble on Sunday for peeing on the floor. It's not that she can't hold it because we were gone 30 minutes. She gets mad when we leave and she pees.

So we went to Petco and got her a new friend, Mr. Shock Collar. The PDBDT-305 Deluxe Big Dog Trainer is for "stubborn" dogs, which is what we have. Lee hooked it up and sent her outside. She started barking at someone one the street so Nurse Ratched (that's Lee) sent her an audible buzz to make her stop. No response. More barking so it was time for electroshock. Nurse Ratched set the collar to Level 1 "stimulation" and shocked her. No response. Here's the next thing I heard from the backyard: "Arf! Arf! Arf! YYEEEOOOOAAHHHH!". I looked at Lee and said "What did you turn it up to?!!". "Well, she wouldn't respond to Level 1 so I tried Level 10".

For those of you keeping track at home, there are EIGHT other stimulation levels he could have tried before hitting Level 10. I think it realigned some neurotransmitters because she laid in the hallway sort of paranoid crazy-eyed and very quiet the rest of the night. If we did an MRI of her head, we'd probably just see a bunch of pudding where her brain once was.

Speaking of brains, Lee and I saw an interesting exhibit at The Science Place on Sunday afternoon. It was called Body Worlds. It's an exhibit of real human bodies that were donated to science and have been plasticized. It sounds a little morbid, but it was totally intriguing. I've seen plenty of anatomy books depicting what the muscular system, heart or kidneys look like, but I've never actually seen them up close. They also had a 8-month pregnant woman who had died and had been plasticized as well as fetuses that were 12, 16, 20, 24, 28, and 33 weeks old. They had died from natural causes. It was really interesting to see the 28-week old fetus since that's how old Ellie is. I think anybody would find it fascinating to see the different stages of development. If you're in the Dallas area, I highly suggest going to see it. The only downside was that it was packed and since I can smell everything now, stinky people in close quarters freak me out.

We get to "see" Ellie again on February 23 since we're having a 3D sonogram. I haven't decided it I'm going to post it or not. If I do, everyone will know what she looks like when she comes out. You'll just have to act surprised when you meet her. She's pretty still most of the time so I hope we can get some good shots.

Goodbye, sweet youth

I'm making baby steps toward becoming a mother and one of those steps happened last night. I took out my belly button ring. Without you, belly button piercing, I feel that I am now headed for a lifetime of front-butt jeans and flats. There may also be an appliqué Christmas sweater in my future. Because I'm not a woman anymore. I'm a mom. Believe it or not, I got my piercing in 1998 - nine years ago so I've had it nearly 1/3 of my life. My stomach looks naked now. I just didn't want Ellie pointing at it, asking me what it was and if she could have one. Because the answer is NO - she can never have one. She'll be lucky if she's not still wearing clip-on earrings when she's 18. It's bad enough that he-who-will-remain-nameless has TWO tattoos. I hope she doesn't follow our examples because I really don't want her to wind up one of those girls with a piercing through her lip and a tattoo on her forearm of Mickey Mouse giving the finger. Of course, the bird-flipping Mickey would much be preferred to the initials, and I think Lee's dad can vouch for that.

I've been having the strangest dreams lately. The one I had on Tuesday night kept waking me up during the night. I dreamed that my doctor came into my hospital room to give me an epidural. She showed me the needle and it was the size of my pinky finger. I told her that I thought about it and on second thought probably didn't need one. She started chasing me and then jammed it into my back. I had the baby and they took her away. I said to a nurse "what does she look like?". The nurse said "she looks just like you". They brought her over to me, pulled the blanket back and sure enough - she looked exactly like me. It was my adult head on an infant's body. At least she got the good nose. Lee had a dream the same night that he was pregnant and couldn't get comfortable while he was sleeping. So I guess he had a dream that he was me.

Lee has also informed me that I'm going to have to be Johnny Law for the household. He said "I will never be able to discipline or punish Ellie because that's my little girl. That's my sweetheart". I'm sure he'll forget about making this statement when she comes home with that Mickey Mouse tat. I'm documenting this because I know that Ellie will one day read my writings and think "what the hell happened to that idea?!!".

I got some yarn this week so I'm going to start knitting Ellie's baby blanket. I'm 27 weeks so hopefully I'll have enough time to knock it out and maybe something else before she gets here. I'll keep you updated with pictures!

I write good

It's Thursday and I feel like I'm just now recovering from last weekend, but at the same time, I can't believe it's almost next weekend. That's one thing I'm starting to notice - 26 weeks into Project Ellie, the old gray mare ain't what she used to be. I hate to admit it, but I may have to consider slowing down a little. On Friday, I flew to Houston to take a technical writing seminar. I really liked our instructor because she's a grammar freak like me. I'm all about English rules - not necessarily when I write my blog because it's sort of a free-flowing consciousness, but when I'm writing at work, I'm the Hitler of the English language. She did say one thing that upset me... it's "okay" to end a sentence with a preposition. It most certainly is not. She lost a little credibility with that one.

I think Ellie is going to be a lot like her mother and here's why: I had to take a really early flight, so I ate breakfast at 5:30am. I got to our Houston office right in time for the class to start at 9:00 and by 10:30, I was starving. That's 5 hours of no food. Ellie is usually pretty quiet and just hangs out, but when that baby didn't get fed for 5 hours, she started violently kicking me like she had never kicked before. She kept ramming me until I had a bagel. At least I know this before she's born - always have snacks available.

On Saturday, I registered at Target and Beatings 'R Us. Okay so it's really called Babies 'R Us, but they might as well come clean and call it what it is: a baby megastore designed to make new mothers think that they need everything under the sun. Pregnant women roam the aisles of Baby Wonderland with glazed eyes. I knew their game so I took two veterans, Kristine and Leslie, with me to help me weed through all of the options. Since I was already tired from Friday, I would have scanned everything just to get out of there if I didn't have them with me. I didn't take Lee with me so he'll never know how grateful he should be that he didn't have to spend 5 hours with all things baby. There is so much crap there - I found myself missing wine again, but it's probably frowned upon for me to walk in with a giant stomach and a brown bag around a California Cab.

I did find something useful at Beatings - a new bedtime companion. I don't know how in my whole life I ever slept without this thing. I think I actually smile when I sleep now. Last night, I didn't move at all. It takes up half the bed, but that's okay. I think Lee's a little jealous of the Snoogle, but he wants one at the same time. He's torn. He tells me he's taking it after I have the baby, but he is sadly mistaken.

If you'll look to the right, you'll see that I have a new addition to my blog - a baby counter. I can't decide if I like it because the floating baby is sort of weird looking. Trust me - she does not float. What I need is a pictorial of a baby throwing a right hook at me when I bend down to tie my shoes shoved into an area the size of a soccer ball. I wanted to call it "Rosemary's Baby", but didn't know if anyone would get the joke.

Getting Ready... Take Two

After reading my previous blog, Lee informed me that Harvey had not been given adequate coverage. "Where's a picture of Harvey?!!" I said "He's right there in the corner in the picture of the crib". "You mean you didn't post a specific picture of Harvey?!" Harvey, please accept my sincerest apology. I personally think you're a little creepy, but my husband is apparently in love with you, so welcome to our family. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you... Harvey.

Getting ready...

This weekend was all about one person - Ellie. USA Baby called me on Friday to let me know that the crib we ordered had arrived so we decided that this would be our weekend to paint and put together the nursery since is was going to be a rainy indoorsy weekend anyway. We'd already purchased her nursery bedding and picked out the color we were going to paint the nursery, so on Saturday, I made my first of three trips to Home Depot. That's how it is when we do a project. There's never just one trip to Home Depot. The first trip I made, I got the paint for the room. Since our nursery bedding is mostly green, we decided to go with pink walls. After that, Lee and I went to USA Baby to pick up the crib and mattress. Then it was time to paint - Ben came over to help out with the first coat. It was at that point that Lee sent me to Home Depot for trip #2. Apparently I was making too many suggestions while he and Ben were getting ready to paint. Lee and I did the second coat later on that night.

Mom and dad came over on Sunday to drop off a chest and to help assemble the crib. The crib came in a box about 6" deep so there was "some assembly required". I had done a LOT of work the day before since I rolled on paint for 4 hours so I decided to handle the easy stuff like ironing the dust ruffle, putting the sheets on her bed and taking pictures of the activities. Here is the finished product:

Ellie will wake up to a field of flowers every morning. Lee got Ellie her first toy at USA Baby which is a stuffed green dinosaur named Harvey. We still have to get a rocker and some wall art, but I feel like we're onto a good start. The dogs like the new room and they especially like the new rug. Lucy walked right in and flopped onto her back. I think that may be her permanent resting place once Ellie gets here.

What do you think?!

December "Wrap Up"

Was that December that just happened? I can't even seem to remember all that I did, but here it is 2007. We had a lot going on so I didn't blog that much. Lee made labels and completely finished bottling the wine and distributed bottles as Christmas gifts. Doesn't it look great? I'll hit the highlights of our December:

I helped out at the Meyerson with a children's Christmas concert, called Deck The Hall, sponsored by the Dallas Symphony League. Somehow I managed to find myself in charge of "Pictures with Santa". This was not so much insight for me as to how I want or don't want my child to act - it was insight for me as a future parent as how not to act. I will never make my child wear reindeer antlers in a picture with Santa and I won't scream out from behind the photographer "ELLIE! Look over here! ELLIE! Baby, your skirt is all up in your lady business - pull your skirt down, honey. Take your finger OUT OF YOUR NOSE. NO - leave your Rudolph nose on, sweetie - don't you want to be Santa's little reindeer? Ellie, quit crying. I said QUIT CRYING or else Santa isn't going to bring you anything." I saw it child after child. I have this fear that I'm absolutely going to loose my mind once she's born and next year I'll show up at Deck The Hall with her dressed like an elf. Which seriously - how cute would that be? But just like Luke, I'm going to have to use the force and refrain from dressing her up in ridiculous costumes to take pictures that will only make her hate me later. Or maybe I won't. We'll see how nuts I get.

We also had Christmas parties to attend - my friend, Jenny, hosted one, my office had one and we also attended a deb ball at the Fairmont. Christmas is never complete without the Annual Girl's Christmas Brunch hosted by Ann and Katy every year. I can't remember when it started... maybe when we were juniors in high school? It's been going strong every year since then. I usually eat and drink way too much, but this year I only ate too much.

We celebrated Christmas twice - once in Arlington with my mom and dad the week before Christmas and then we spent Christmas day in Tyler with Lee's parents, brother, sister, aunt and grandmother from Chattanooga. Ellie got plenty of gifts considering she's not even born yet. She got a "Daddy's girl" onesie, a Mavs jersey, a silver "B" spoon, a little tee-shirt that says "E=mc2", a Ralph Lauren sweater, and "Princess Ellie" books. Apparently there's a whole series out there. I was very excited to get a camcorder (now I can post videos!) and also a new digital camera with much higher mega-pixels. I'm very excited about next Christmas we wake up and Santa has made a special delivery at our house since Ellie has arrived. It'll all be different then! I hope that everyone had a wonderful Christmas and has a great 2007. I know that we will! I'll leave you with a parting shot of Lee with his favorite gift... the Encyclopedia of College Football, which is something every house needs!

They got the horns

I have news to report. After the "incident" with the smokers last week, I spoke with the manager of our building about having the smoking area banished to the 6th floor of the parking garage. And you know what? He moved it. I don't have to walk through the smokers ever again! Three cheers to the power of one! There's a part of me that feels a little bad because the smoking area is moving on the day that a huge cold front is rolling through the area so all of the smokers are going to have to light up while the January wind whips them in the face, but there's another part of me that doesn't feel that bad at all because now I don't have to smell it.

Can you believe that I'm still working on my December "wrap up" post? It's going to be done this weekend.

The top 10 things I don't want to hear

I'm posting this as a public service announcement. There are several things you don't want to say to a pregnant woman. I'm sure I'll think of more, but here's a start:

1. "You're starting to show!"/"You're really getting big!"/"Your tits are huge!"
Thank you, Captain Obvious. That's the kind of thing you need to say behind my back. I came to the stark realization that my boobs were huge when the lady at Victoria's Secret told me they "don't carry bra sizes that large". The fact that I can still fit into their XL panty is of no consolation to me.

2. "How much weight have you gained?"
If pounds were made out of gold bars, I'd be excited to talk to you all day long about how much weight I've gained. But pounds are not made out of gold bars, they're made out of cellulite. For the record, I have no clue how much weight I've gained because I haven't looked at a scale since July.

3. "You look tiny!"
I don't have a waist anymore so saying that makes you a dirty, filthy liar.

4. "Are you taking pictures of your belly as you get bigger?"
Do you remember sophomore year when that guy broke up with you so you ate a pint of Cherry Garcia every night for a month? I didn't suggest that we photograph your ass.

5. "I see you're breaking out a little."
Thank you for pointing out my acne. We don't own any mirrors and I would not have seen that giant pimple were it not for you. Thank you.

6. "When I was pregnant..."
Are you pregnant now? Then I don't care.

7. "Are you supposed to eat that? I hear it causes autism/mental retardation/blindness"
Do you see me chewing on lead paint chips? No? Then I can eat it. I have read every website, every article, every book on what I can and cannot eat. I'm fine.

8. "Did you hear about the Consumer Reports study where 10 of the 12 infant car carriers failed?"
Christ Jesus, yes.

9. "My friend's friend just had a baby and it was born without hands/with it's eyes in backwards/with it's brain on the outside of it's head. "
I'm all for a good horror movie, but please don't tell me birth defect stories because it'll just make me crazy(er). I had the dream two weeks ago that I was artificially inseminated with monkey sperm and I gave birth to a hairy half-ape baby. I guess if that happened, I could just shave her ("Come here Ellie, let Mommy braid your hair and shave your arms..."), but I really need her brain to be inside her head so keep the scary stories to yourself.

10. "Who is going to be in the delivery room with you?"
Lee and the doctor. Don't even think about asking me for an admission ticket.

Let's go over an example problem. True story - I had this conversation at the gym with one of the members last night:
Girl: Hi Tiffany! Oh my gosh - you are just getting bigger by the second!
Me: Heh heh - yeah, I sure am.
Girl: How much weight have you gained?
Me: I'm not keeping track.
Girl: That's good. I have to go to a baby shower this weekend for a good friend. I'm super excited for her because her first baby died. She had it and then it just died right there in the hospital.

She didn't ask to be in the delivery room with us so I'll cut her some slack. Seriously, a conversation like that happens every day with me. Is everyone getting the picture here?

I'm glad we had this talk.

You mess with the bull...You get the horns

Or should I say "You mess with the pregnant lady... you get full-on bitch"? I'm so glad I have my blog to vent to right now. Let me set the stage: I have to park in a parking garage for work. The smoking area for the entire building is on the floor where I park so I have to walk past it every time I enter the building. Most of the time the smokers are on a bench a few feet away, but today it's really windy so two dub-T (white trash) middle-aged women (well, I say middle-aged, but Ann Richards looked like she was 105 when she was 60) were smoking right in front of the elevators so there was no way I could avoid them. I pushed the button to call the elevator and I'm highly agitated with the situation because I'm breathing in all of their second-hand smoke. How do address this? Do I bite my lip? Do I ask them to move? The fury was building inside me. Then I tell myself to be nice and settle down because these people obviously don't know where they're not supposed to be standing. I turned toward them and said in the nicest voice I could muster I said, "Would you ladies mind smoking on the benches? I'm pregnant and would rather not breathe in the fumes". There - that wasn't abrasive. That wasn't so bad. And for a split second I was proud of the way I voiced myself like a mature adult.

But that's where the maturity stopped. You know that scene in The Exorcist where Linda Blair's head spins around and her eyes are glowing yellow? They looked just like that. My words were like holy water hitting their nicotine-possessed bodies. So now I'm mad. I'm mad that these women are 1) looking at me like I'm the crazy one and 2) they're not moving. Just as my elevator arrived and before I could stop myself, the following came out of my mouth: "And you know what else?!!! I don't want to STINK!! I don't want to SMELL LIKE YOU!!!" What? Am I five years old? I don't want "to smell like you"? Nice. I was so articulate that I'm surprised I didn't add a "nanny nanny boo-boo, stick your head in doo-doo" to the end of it as I ran onto the elevator.

Moral of the story: I am a walking hormonal time bomb so don't make me nuts, because I will shame you. That's right - shame you.

P.S. - Merry Christmas, everyone! I'll be posting a joyous Christmas greeting once I download pictures!!

The Halfway Mark

Tomorrow, I will be officially be to the halfway mark of my pregnancy! It's gone by faster than I thought it would, but May 9 feels like it will never be here. I have been looking forward to this week for months since I knew that Week 20 would be the week that they would do "the big sonogram" where they confirm gender. Lee and I got to see out little dumpling on Monday and it was so much fun. She was moving around a lot. They measured the size of her head and chest and looked at her heart, stomach, kidneys, and brain. She's all the right size so that's good news. She's 0.77 pounds which is about 12 ounces. Here she is...

In the top picture, you can really see her spine, which is the white horizontal line. Her head is on the left side. The bottom picture is a picture of her butt. That's what they tell me at least. Because really, it could be her brain and I'd just have to trust them. They were looking for a stem on the apple, but the absence of one leads them to think with 95% confidence that it's a girl. Being an engineer, I don't like to leave the door open that there's a 5% chance I could paint the room the wrong color. We're going to have a 3D sonogram in nine weeks and at that point they'll look for the bell clanger again. If there's no hot dog in the bun, then Ellie it is. However, if a third leg is present, all bets are off. These are all sophisticated terms we will use in lieu of the word "penis" when our child gets here.

This sonogram calmed many of my fears. Most of these fears come from watching way too many Discovery Health programs. Due to my preoccupation with shows on midgets and transgendered people, I was afraid that I was going to have a transgendered midget. In 20 years, I did not want to be the subject of a special where they interview my daughter who is 2'6" has a beard and calls herself Larry. She's totally getting sold to the circus if that happens. You know what else I watch too much of? Oprah. The other day they had this story about this girl who was 9 months pregnant and this other woman was pretending to be pregnant by wearing maternity clothes and a faux belly so she could steal the pregnant girl's baby. So you're thinking I'm afraid that someone is going to steal my baby right? No. Before I was showing or felt the baby kick, I was afraid that I was the crazy one who was not really pregnant and I was going to have to steal a baby to cover my trail of lies. I've never stolen anything before so why would I start with a baby? I have no clue, but I've come to the conclusion I need to stop watching TV all together.

I felt that!

I've been working on a blog from this weekend, but I'm so slammed at work (day trip to Austin yesterday and big deadline Friday) that I just can't find time to finish it. But... I wanted to tell everyone my exciting news - I felt my little one kick for the first time today! I was sitting in a meeting and it felt like someone flicked me in the stomach. I wrote it off and then felt the exact same flicking in the same spot another three times in a row. She's 19 weeks today so I think she's letting me know she's in there! We have our big sonogram on Monday and I'm SO EXCITED to see her again. I've been counting down the days. I'll post pictures ASAP.

Pregnant, Pregnanter, Pregnantist

This weekend, I hung out with pregnant people. Well, okay - not all of them were pregnant. Anne Marie had a really beautiful baby shower at Jennifer's house in Houston on Saturday so Meg and I flew down to join in the fun. Debbie was nice enough to pick all of us up and cart us around for the day. I really like this picture on the left because it shows me at 18 weeks, Anne Marie at 28 weeks and Sarah at 38 weeks. We're all 10 weeks apart. I'm all "Sure! I'll take a picture!" now, but I'm waiting to see how I'll feel about being photographed in about 8 more weeks. It was interesting to go shopping for Anne Marie's gift because I had really never looked at baby items before. There are 10 different kinds of bottle warmers, bottles, walkers, high chairs, strollers, car seats... I don't know how I'm going to make my way through the sea of endless baby products whenever we have to register. I say "we", but I'm not sure how much input Lee will have on breast pumps.


Since we don't have many weddings left, I always cherish the time I get to spend with my college girlfriends (we missed you Kristine and Jenny!). It's strange to think that the same people I used to shotgun beer with and get random body parts pierced with are now having children. Since I was just there for the afternoon, Lee picked me that evening and took me out for dinner. He's spent all day working at the house and surprised me with some new Christmas decorations from Crate and Barrel.

On Sunday, we attended a brunch and finally took our Christmas card photo. I'm not going to give anything away, but I'm wearing the same dress in the photos above so act surprised when you rip open the card. My wardrobe is limited since Baby B has come on the scene so I have to work with what I've got. I'll be so glad when I don't have to come up with a Christmas card pose next year and Ellie can be the subject of our holiday mailings. Because really, after she's born, nobody is going to be interested in seeing us anymore. After the brunch, we headed out to purchase our 2006 Christmas tree. I love Christmas, but decorating is sort of a pain in the butt. I don't have that many decorations, but I know I'll slowly be collecting more as the years pass.

I'll leave you with a parting shot because this made me laugh this morning. Every Sunday is laundry day at the Bright house. Trudie loves to sleep in piles of our dirty clothes - I think that's weird, but whatever floats her boat. She likes laundry day because that means there are ready-made dog beds all over the floor. This morning, after I separated whites and darks, I threw all of the clothes back in the basket instead of piling them on the floor. I walked out of the bathroom to see this:


I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't actually seen it. She usually can't find her way out of a paper sack, but she managed to crawl into the laundry basket to take a nap. She was bound and determined to sleep in the clothes. I'm impressed with her skills because that dog can make a bed out of anything.